I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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