im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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