Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I want a musical about memes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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