so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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