happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just pee around me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
