I puked a lego.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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