I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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