Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
