I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
