Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
