Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
