I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
