If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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