JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
