She's JV to your varsity
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
