That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
