My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
