Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

Soap is not a condiment

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(619): View more from California

If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game

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(734): View more from Michigan

I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.

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(727): View more from Florida

found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?

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(406): View more from Montana

K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.

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