i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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