i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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