Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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