I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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