Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
