So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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