i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
