Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
