Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
