so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
