I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
