I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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