Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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