just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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