i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
