Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This is not my ceiling
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
