just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
