in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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