I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
