Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
