So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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