Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
