wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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