the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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