Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
