New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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