You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
