So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
