Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
