His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
