grandma shit on top of the toilet
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
