I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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